Saddened

About four years ago, I had a falling out with a really close friend of mine (we’ll call her C). We had been friends since grade 10, and had a great relationship even though we lived in different provinces. That is, until her wedding, where things got sour. A few things happened that I won’t get into – but basically C didn’t treat me very well, and I was being selfish.

I tried to contact C a couple of times since then – such as sending her a Christmas card or “friending” her on Facebook (which she accepted, but then a couple months later she was all of a sudden gone from my friends list). Nothing much has come out of it though.

We have one close mutual friend in common (there was a group of 4 of us that were inseperable for a long time, but she is no longer friends with another of the group) – she updates me on C from time to time. I remember her telling me once that C really valued our friendship before the falling out, but just didn’t want to put in the effort to re-friend again.

I think about C from time to time, and I just found out that she had another baby – that’s two that I haven’t been able to celebrate with her. She wasn’t a part of my wedding, and won’t be around for my PhD defense or when I have children. It still pains me to think of all the things we have gone through that we haven’t been able to share together over the past four years.

It makes me so sad that two people that were so close at one time can’t figure out how to forgive and move on. I really miss her, but there is really nothing I can do at this point.

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Comments on: "Saddened" (4)

  1. hm, that is hard. I had a falling out with one of my friends at her wedding. I was very much involved in the whole thing, she was borderline bridezilla and afterwards i kind of disappeared from her cricle.

    Then a few years later i invited her to my big day* and she came and we spoke and then nothing for a few years…. again. And now, since we are on different sides of the Atlantic, we chat and skype a lot. It's strange at the same time it is very uncomplicated since we have so much history and now when things are happening again (read; being 30 something with questions about marriage,children, friend, work etc) it is nice to get to know oneanother again.

    I'm not trying to rub it in but merely saying that maybe time will make it possible for you two to get together again?! In case you want to that is… I find that some people are willing to make an effort, if nothing else simply because it is so much like family.

    I wish you the best with it all and the dissoratation!!

    *dissortation. And yes, it was a bit complicated since I didn't want to make it like a “woho, come and see my get a degree since I am so fab” but rather “come celebrate when I get out of jail/grad school” 😉

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  2. chall – thanks for your comment. It sounds like our falling outs were incredibly similar.

    I have a feeling that if we ran into each other at an event we would chat and such, but I think (like you said) a lot more time will need to pass before she's willing to give anything more than that (she is a very stubborn). She is the type of person who is the greatest friend in the world until you do something to get on her bad side. Then she basically cuts you from her life. I've seen her do this with others as well.

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  3. I am sorry that you miss your friend. Like Chall and yourself, I had a similar thing happen. She was bridezilla and I couldn't get over it. We've chatted since then, she really tried, but I was just not into forgiving. Now she's going through a divorce and I feel horrible that I'm not there. I hope one day we will be able to be friends again.

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  4. Unfortunately, that's just part of the ebb and flow of friendships and life. As Chall said though, sometimes these people come back into your life at a later time. After high school I deliberately lost touch with all of my friends but always regretted not keeping contact with the one true friend I'd had … and then, totally out of the blue, she hunted me down on Facebook last year. Since then, I've met her husband and kids, we've managed to form a lasting adult friendship and finally put teenage demons to rest. Not too shabby considering we're now on different sides of the world.

    It's always sad to let friendships go but you might be able to resurrect your relationship when you're both ready to do so.

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