Three questions or statements that are common among mothers:

Are you going to have another child?
Are you frickin’ kidding me? Evan is not even 4 months old yet. I’m still trying to get a handle on this whole new role I’ve been thrust into, letting alone even thinking about another child. In fact, DH and I are so happy with one child right now that we’re contemplating keeping it that way. At the very least, we’ll be waiting 2-3 years before we even think about expanding our family.

My baby is doing ___ – Is yours? / Why isn’t my baby ___ yet?

I tend to get caught up in this because I look at other babies that are Evan’s age and see that he’s a bit behind. Of course he is – he was born 5 weeks early! All babies are different. Just because your baby can roll over doesn’t make him any more developed than other babies who aren’t. Same goes for the other way around. I just don’t get the comparisons, and I’m trying to stop myself from doing it.

I do ___…and before you judge the crap out of me, I do it because of X, Y, and Z.
Before Evan came along, I was so worried about every other parent judging us for our decisions. It got to the point where I would justify my decisions to people before they even asked anything: Am I breast feeding? No, I’m pumping. But I tried so hard to breast feed, but he was born 5 weeks early and he wasn’t strong enough to latch properly, and, and, and… But, guess what? No one cares! No one cares that I’m pumping rather than breast feeding. No one cares if he sleeps in his swing during the day. No one cares that we put a blanket on him in his crib — something we learned from the NICU hospital staff, no less (see? There I go again!). And even if someone did care, most people aren’t rude enough to say something, and what’s it to them anyway?

I’m starting to become much more laid back about these things because it’s just way too stressful and tiring to care.

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Comments on: "Seconds, Comparisons, and Justifications" (4)

  1. ITA with everything you said. Who cares what people think? It's your baby, I say do what you want/what you feel is right.

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  2. Good for you! I know what you mean, I feel like I need to justify a lot of the same things (James is also not rolling over and is just starting to be able to hold his head up during tummy time, he also sleeps in his swing EXCLUSIVELY for naps, etc. Hopefully I will start to relax soon too!

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  3. I think it was much easier for me with my second child because I had done “this gig” before and it was much easier to blow those comments off.

    Honestly, I think people believe a first time mom is looking for advice. Really we are all just insecure and want reassurance, not advice.. but nobody wants to pat you on the back, they want to tell you how they think you could do it better. *eyeroll*

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  4. Cheryl – thanks! I'm sure the confidence just comes with time.

    Adrienne – I'm sure you will! Like I said to Cheryl, I do think moms just get more confident with time. I find this happens more in the online communities, so I try to limit my time there 🙂

    LabMom – I think you're right. Maybe that's why moms feel the need to justify things right of the get go, so people won't just jump in with their advice.

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