1 to 2

Being the parent of one child with another on the way, I’m having the assumingly normal worries about what life is going to be like after Jelly Bean gets here. Everything seems so well balanced with the three of us right now, and I feel like it’s all going to get flipped upside down. I know it will “just work out” and we’ll get back into some sort of routine eventually, but it’s hard to imagine.
So, if you’re a parent of more than one child, how did the transition from 1 to more go? Any tips to make it go a bit more smoothly? 
If you’re an older sibling and remember your younger sibling(s) coming in to your life, what do you remember about the transition? Being a younger sister, I’m blissfully unaware of this situation.
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Comments on: "1 to 2" (12)

  1. I can't be helpful as there's a 6 year gap between my sister and me and a 5 year gap between my two. Things are very different with a 5 year old helping out compared to a 3 year old who needs attention!

    But I can wish you good luck. 🙂

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  2. We had a typical but still annoying refusal-to-go-potty (despite being fully trained for 6 months!) so, a timer and pet stain remover. My kids are 2 years and 7 months apart.

    Also, Bug wasn't so jealous at first, but once Tatoe started moving (and therefore was a person and not a doll any more) he was super jealous. I was really surprised.

    I remember fighting with my little sister (3.5 years older than her) and getting bitten because I shoved my face in hers. No doubt I richly deserved it.

    You've doubtless thought of this already, but I think the biggest transition is, with one child I could drop what I was doing maybe 80% of the time when he needed me, but with two it's more like 25% of the time (willingness also dropped). So Bug had to adjust to not being the center of my universe, and Tatoe got to cry kind of more than Bug did because I couldn't pick him up because Bug just peed on the carpet/ broke glass/ escaped out the back door. On the flip side, Tatoe was a super-easy-going baby. Of course, now he's a super-opinionated toddler.

    On making it go easier: I did make sure to have nursing time be “Mama will read you a book now” time. Bug really liked that. Since I stay home, we also started doing songs during baby's morning nap – I like to sing, so we'd watch videos on YouTube together and I'd learn new songs to sing him, or just watch ZZ Top or The Seekers or whatever he wanted. And we started doing soccer last summer (when the baby was about 10 months) so Bug could have something just for him that the baby couldn't do.

    It is hard to imagine and I think it always sucks for a while. Sleep deprivation makes me really crabby, personally, which doesn't help. But siblings are pretty cute together (sometimes) which… well… makes up for some of it? I hope.

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  3. I feel like I should have lots of advice, but somehow I don't. Our kids are pretty good together, but that feels more like luck than due to anything we've done. One thing that I think was helpful was getting Mr. Roger's book about having a new sibling- it is old, but excellent for a toddler/young preschooler big-sibling to be. Joanna Cole has a “I'm a Big Sister/Brother” book that Pumpkin really liked, too.

    Maybe I blogged about this stuff at the time- Petunia was born in October 2009 if you want to poke around my archives.

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  4. Thanks! I'm thinking we'll need it 🙂

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  5. Thanks for sharing your experience. I'm kind of glad to hear that it'll probably suck at first, because I'll set my expectations low! LOL! I also have a really hard time with being sleep deprived, and so does DH, so I think we'll just go into survival mode for the first few months.

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  6. Thank you for the book recommendations, Cloud. I'll definitely look into them. One thing I'm finding right now is Evan doesn't even want to talk about it. He even says he doesn't want a brother/sister — so hopefully getting a book will help.

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  7. Anonymous said:

    i have a 3yo plus new (4month) baby. It is totally exhausting because of the diverse requirements of the kids. 3yo isn't jealous or anything, but still requires lots of individual attention and energetic play. and 4 month old gets easily overstimulated by being in the presence of the energetic 3 year old. sorry not to be sunnier. i do think things will be lots of fun as they get older, though,
    one plus – not being pregnant anymore makes the 3yo much easier to handle!

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  8. I remember my best friend's 2.5 years old girl saying about her little brother after a month “we can give him back now”…. and same girl was “accidentally” closing the fridge door on him when he was on the floor crawling. SO obviously not an accident since she was glancing around to see if we saw here before the shove ^^

    That said, they became good play buddies after he was out of baby part. It might have helped that mom and dad had planned time when they did things alone with her – “sharing mommy and daddy” – where she was back to being 'the only focus point'. I think that was the main thing that bothered her, that mommy was preoccupied with new baby and not with her. Flipside, she got a lot of attention from her dad at those moments.

    Of course, the boy was extremely jelous when the third baby came alone. Then the oldest girl triamphanly stated “now you know what I went through” 😉 but she was awesome with her youngest girl sibling (being 6 at the time).

    Best wishes!

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  9. Hi, I think this is my first comment on your blog! Mine are 21 months apart. Honestly I think it was easier early on, when the baby just nursed/slept/came along for the ride—much less dramatic going from 1 to 2 than from 0 to 1. Mainly because we knew what we were doing, we knew the newborn stuff would end (and when it would end, most likely), and we had all the infrastructure in place. Once the baby started crawling, all hell broke loose & I still haven't managed to reign it in (19 months and 3 1/2 now). They are different enough to have totally unique needs, yet my older one is not quite old enough to be patient, understanding, or helpful. I wrote a post about it recently (http://ana-begins.blogspot.com/2013/02/113.html)

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  10. Anon – I'm very much looking forward to the not being pregnant aspect. Hopefully I'll have more energy (or, at least, not less).

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  11. Chall – yes, we're hoping to have Daddy around a lot (especially in the beginning) so Evan can spend one-on-one time with him when I'm nursing baby #2. Too funny about the girl basically saying “I told you so”! LOL!

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  12. ana – welcome to the blog, and thanks for your comment! You put my worries into words. I'm not super worried about the early weeks/months, because baby won't be doing much and Evan can make most of the decisions of what we do for activities and such. It's when baby #2 is older and starts having wants of their own where i think it'll become an issue. I read your blog post, and that sounds exactly what I'm thinking it will be! LOL!

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