What Not to Say

Here’s a tip: don’t ever comment on the size of a pregnant woman. 
Don’t tell her you think she’s too small or too large (why does no one ever comment that you’re just the right size?). You’re not an expert. Everyone carries differently. Everyone gains weight differently. Babies grow at different rates. 
Earlier this week, I had a woman tell me she thought I was really big. After telling her that’s not really what pregnant women want to hear, she continued to make comments, counting how much time I have left until my due date (like I’m not aware of that), and ended by saying that maybe I’ll be “lucky” and not gain much more weight for the rest of the pregnancy.
I was livid. I tried to make her shut-up, but she kept right on going. I wanted to punch her in the throat. 
A couple days later, I had a midwife appointment, and I was a bit worried about my size and weight gain. But, my measurements were pretty much dead on for what they “should” be at this point.
I’m not sure why people think the lives and bodies of pregnant women are open to public scrutiny and judgment. From comments about size and weight gain, to belly rubs, and rude/unsolicited advice about everything under the sun*, it’s hard not to just put a big FU shield up for 9 months.

Comments on: "What Not to Say" (3)

  1. Hahaha, and then after it's all about is the baby letting you sleep and boys are such boys and girls are such princesses. (Even when they're not.)

    I do tend to give advice… my standard advice is this: ignore whatever advice you get that seems wrong. You instinctively know better than any book. Most of these books aren't based on research (I speak as someone glued to pubmed with my first child) and different cultures and different times have raised children different ways forever. The western way of raising babies is only a few hundred years old. On top of that, different babies and different moms have different needs. You do what is easiest and works best for you. (Book recommendation: Our babies, ourselves.)

    And then because I can't resist, I mention that breastfeeding isn't necessarily easy and kellymom has the best advice on the internet. And Sears the Baby Book has really great charts for when to call the doctor and when not to worry. And zolowear is my favorite sling, but different people like different baby carriers and our second baby didn't like any carrier at all, but our first baby hated the stroller and lived in the sling.

    And then I stop.


  2. Ugh. I hate that it's 'okay' to make anyone's body someone else's business. It's everywhere if you're a woman, from judgment about the shortness of our shorts to getting told by creepy men to “smile” on the street, like it's our job to look happy and pretty for them.

    And then pregnant women just seem to get the worst of all of it. Like you mentioned, even to the point of unwanted/unwelcome/unsolicited touching! It's so not okay. 😦 Gah.

    I'm sorry to hear that people have been making obnoxious comments. I fully support an 'FU' shield! Wish those existed!!


  3. nicoleandmaggie – Haha! Yes, it definitely doesn't end once the baby comes. I'm all for having a conversation about what works best for people…as long as they don't try to shove it down my throat that it's the ONLY way.

    StephK – yup, there have been a lot of articles lately about body judgements (especially directed toward women) and it's so frustrating. It's only happened a couple times (so far), but those times tend to stick with me more!


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