August 29, 2013
Today I was chatting with a colleague about my upcoming maternity leave, and she kept saying how excited I must be to meet the new baby, and how amazing it will be to watch the relationship between Evan and him grow.
And, sadly, I couldn’t say that I have been thinking about it all that much.
I don’t know if it’s just part of the second-child syndrome, but this time around I’ve been so distracted by Evan, things at work, life in general, and focusing on the negative aspects of having a second, that I just haven’t become excited about the impending arrival.
And now, here I am, at 33 weeks along, and I feel like I’ve let myself miss out on the positive emotions that comes along with expecting. It’s even more disappointing because this (assuming all goes well in the next 7ish weeks) will be my last pregnancy. I won’t get to experience this again.
I’ve been telling myself that I’ll have time to decompress after I stop working (Sept. 13th is my last day), and then I’ll become more enthusiastic about things. But, now, that seems a bit ridiculous. It might seem “too little too late”, but I’m going to try my best to stop worrying about work and other things so much, and focus more on the little life growing in my belly, who we’ll be meeting in just a few short weeks. Yes, he’ll be turning our lives upside down, but it will be in a good way.