I think as a general rule, we (myself included) need to remember that someone’s actions are not judgement of our own.

Here are some personal examples that have come up in my life:

– Just because I had a natural home birth, doesn’t mean I think anyone who had an epidural or a c-section is weak.

– Just because I had a stroke doesn’t mean I’ll minimize your health issues or concerns.

– Just because I hated my PhD and left academia and speak of the “hazards”, doesn’t mean it won’t work for others.

– Just because I have 2 children, doesn’t mean I judge you for having a different number (including zero)

– Just because I like to dress up for work/school, doesn’t mean I judge your preferred style.

– Just because I eat meat, doesn’t mean I think vegans/vegetarians/etc are crazy.

– Just because I don’t believe in God or pray, doesn’t mean I don’t value other belief systems.

What it comes down to is we each have our own set of experiences and values, and we make decisions based on what’s best for us. If it works, that’s all that matters!

What are some examples that you’ve been accused of, or have witnessed?

Happy Friday!!!

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Comments on: "Actions are not Judgements" (4)

  1. Anonymous said:

    Just because I eat very healthy it doesn't mean that I care what other people eat. 🙂

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  2. I agree with you. Mostly, I don't care enough about what people do to muster the energy for judgment one way or another.

    But if you let me be a devil's advocate here for a bit, hopefully I won't be too obnoxious. For instance, whenever there is a choice to make, you make choice A because you consider it superior to choice B based on what you want or need. Every time we make a choice, there is a value judgement involved, that one is better than the other, even if it makes sense just for you and even if “better” is hopelessly nebulous and subjective.

    So perhaps one could say “I don't judge you — the person — or your morals, even though you make choices different from mine.” Something like that. Because the thing is we *do* judge other people's choices as worse than others, otherwise we would have made them ourselves.

    For instance, when someone doesn't eat meat, they usually have strong reasons why they don't; people who do eat meat obviously made a different choice, and they don't see the reasons of vegetarians in the same light or don't embrace the issue equally strongly. So there is definitely judgement of specific meat-related issues involved, by both parties. But hopefully eating/not eating meat is not a reason to judge the other person as morally repugnant or crazy (common stereotypes for how the two parties see one another).

    But yes, there are plenty of life-style choices where whatever you choose is really fine one way or another. A good example is child-rearing. There is a veritable continuum of child-rearing practices that all results in happy, healthy families.

    Anyway, there are a few aspects where I full-bore, unapologetically judge people because their choices are putting others in harm's way. One such issue is the anti-vaccine movement.

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  3. Anon – good example!

    xykademiqz – you got me. I choose all the examples above because they're all relatively harmless choices to make in life. I was actually going to use vaccination as an example where actions IS a judgement.

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  4. I think we have an entire series of these. Here's the one I usually link to. 🙂
    http://nicoleandmaggie.wordpress.com/2011/08/16/my-hobbies-are-not-statements-about-your-values/

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