The kids and I returned yesterday from almost 3 weeks away visiting family out West. We first visited DH’s family in Vancouver, then to Kelowna for a family wedding (my side), then DH went back to Vancouver for a couple extra days before returning home and I took the kids to Calgary to spend a week with my family.
It was a good trip, and it was awesome to spend so much time with family (which the boys LOVED – so much attention!) and seeing old friends. I did have to fly home with the kids on my own, and that was like living out a personal nightmare. As someone who suffers from anxiety and is a constant people-pleaser, having “those kids” on a 3+ hour flight was horrifying. I broke into tears a number of times. Thankfully the second (much shorter – 30 minute) flight went smoothly.
While away I had lots of time to think about things, and I realized I feel lost in a lot of aspects in my life.
- Job situation: I have started applying for teaching jobs, but it seems it will be a lot more frustration and take much longer than I anticipated. I also have to explain the process to anyone who knows that I just finished my BEd and expects me to be teaching RIGHT NOW. Then, all the $$ issues that arise when one is looking for work and/or in the middle of changing careers.
- Children: I’m (we’re) at a total loss with how to parent C. He is so different than E was at this age. He doesn’t respond to “No”, “Stop”, or anything of the like. Time outs don’t work. He is very defiant. He’s a runner (and by that I mean, he runs away). He’s a shit-disturber. I’m sure these characteristics will work out for him as an adult, but right now it is beyond frustrating. I never thought I’d say this, but E was (and is) a pretty easy kid.
- Self Care: Since school ended for E in June, this has gone to the VERY bottom of the list and I feel it. I’ve been eating like garbage, haven’t been exercising, and haven’t been doing things for me. I feel like a lump of mush, and am on the verge of an anxiety attack or depression.
- Home Care: I have a to-do list around here that’s a mile long, and just keeps growing. Many of which are thinks I actually WANT to do (like doing annual photo books for E and C) and putting old baby stuff on Kijiji to sell. But, I just can’t motivate myself to do any of it. It’s like I’m paralyzed by volume of things that need to be done.
So, we’re back and I’m feeling overwhelmed. Next week E goes to a day camp, and C is still in daycare twice a week, so hopefully that will let me breath a bit, because I feel like I haven’t taken a breath since Jun 25th.