Archive for the ‘being an adult’ Category

Fighting the Entitlement 

There has been a couple great videos going around about the problems our society is facing with the millennials. This one in particular is well-worth the 15 minutes if you haven’t seen it already:

 

I’ve seen or heard a number of discussions recently on how people with young children are fighting back against this trend. We are dong this by:

  • Saying no (probably) way more than yes
  • Teaching responsibility (with chores, saying sorry if you hurt someone, being mindful of surroundings, etc.)
  • Ensuring there are consequences (time outs when younger, taking away privileges, etc. as they get older)
  • Teaching good manners
  • Praising effort, not result (unless very special, like a first soccer goal)
  • Teaching delayed gratification
  • Ensuring they have independent play-time (not relying on us to entertain them)
  • Explaining why their behaviour is mean/rude/disrespectful/etc.

One thing I despise is when other adults say “it’s okay” or “it’s no big deal” when we’re trying to teach or discipline our kids in public. My stock response is usually “thank you, but our child is working on learning **insert skill here**”.

What kinds of strategies have you used to try and combat entitlement and the other traits that go along with it?

Things I’m Learning

I don’t know if it just comes with age, but I feel that I grown many ways in the past couple of years and have come to understand things like I never have before.

  • There will always be people doing things better than you, or doing what you want to do, and being jealous is just a waste of time and energy
  • I’m the most at peace with my body than I’ve ever been. I don’t focus nearly as much on what I look like, but on how I feel.
  • There is always room for improvement and learning
  • I need to fiercely protect my down/alone time in order to keep my anxiety and fatigue at bay
  • Everything is a phase; it will change for better or worse
  • Being outdoors brings happiness and peace
  • Finding time to do the thing you enjoy is hugely important; drop other things if you can
  • Never read the comments
  • Surround yourself with people who build you up, who you can laugh with, and who you can be real with
  • Spending time together is more important than stuff

I’m in the tail-end of my 30s, and I feel myself becoming more confident, comfortable in my own skin, and caring less about stuff that doesn’t matter. 40 doesn’t bother me at all – I’m looking forward to what’s ahead, especially this is any indication:


What have you learned as you’ve gotten older?

Ignoring or Avoiding?

I can’t decide if I’ve been ignoring or avoiding this blog. I miss it, and I am constantly coming up with thing to write about, but never end up doing it. I think this is for 2 reasons: 1) I know it takes time, and there are so many things going on that it drops down the priority list, and 2) I know my readership has dropped off because of lack of posts and writing just reminds me of that.

Anyway, I’m going to keep writing when I can because I enjoy it 🙂

First, an update on things!

I finished at the private high school before the Christmas break, and now I’m teaching at the local university (astronomy) and college (math). I’m quite enjoying these courses, and would like to keep teaching at this level.

This brings me to the most frustrating thing of all: jobs. I am still not in with the local school board (I ignorantly thought my 10+ years work experience in education and my own PhD+BEd education would get me in the door, but I was wrong). The university/college teaching jobs are term-to-term. so no stability there either. It can be super frustrating finally KNOWING what I want to do with my life and not have the options to actually DO it on a regular basis. But, I’ll keep plugging along and hope things continue to crop up, and eventually get a long-term post.

Family-wise, we’re deep into the terrible 2’s with C. And we thought E was bad when he was 2? Oh no…C is showing just what 2 can be to the extreme. His TTs are epic and nothing like I’ve ever seen. Thankfully, he can be really funny, happy, and just plain silly. He’s a huge risk taker too, which is much different than E.

E is amazing us with his intelligence lately. It’s awesome to witness his learning and how he LOVES to learn! He’s going through his own behaviour issues: he’s starting to talk back to us when we need to discipline him. This is very new to us, so we’re trying to get a handle on how to deal with it (most things seem to just make it worse).

Home-wise, we’re still flip-flopping on whether to do renovations or move. We agree our first step should be to get some designs and quotes on renovations to see if we can get what we need for a reasonable price. DH is going to a home show this weekend to connect with some contractors who can come and do this soon.

That’s our life right now – I hope that my posts will become more conversational rather than lists! How are you doing?

PR in the Family?

This image has been circulated around Facebook lately:

Screen Shot 2015-12-16 at 9.03.09 AM

…and many of my (girl)friends generally agree this is true to reality in their home.

I know it is in mine. In fact, DH often tells me that I’m in charge of PR in our home. I think that’s pretty typical. Honestly, I’m pretty sure nothing like gifts, cards, birthday wishes would be sent if I wasn’t around. This goes for appointment making, rsvp’ing to social engagement, getting & bringing host/hostess gifts to such engagements, etc.

If you live with someone else, who is in charge of “PR”? Is it mostly on one person, or is it shared?

Why do these tasks *typically* fall on women?

 

Guilt Reigns

I had been struggling with the decision of whether or not to leave my current job for the past month or so. There are many reasons why I have been considering this. Some are personal, others are job-related, but mostly because other opportunities have presented themselves.

I have signed on to teach at both the university (first-year astronomy course) and the college (first-year math), and both start in January. I will also be volunteering with a high-school physics teacher. These are great opportunities to investigate more options in the field of education, and I just couldn’t pass them up.

So, even though I have many, MANY, good (even excellent!) reasons to leave my current job, I still feel THE GUILT!

“But I’m leaving right in the MIDDLE of the term!”

“Are they going to be able to find a replacement for me?”

“Is the student going to be negatively impacted because of me?”

and don’t forget the favourite:

“Everyone is going to think I’m AWFUL!”

I spoke to numerous people about this decision, both inside and outside education, at different points in their careers, and asked their advice. One central theme was that the only person who will look out for me is myself.  And if there’s one thing in the time since my stroke is I need to look out for myself.

So, yes, the guilt is there, but it will lesson with time (isn’t time amazing for things like that?). And, come January with all of its new starts, the excitement will overtake those feelings. I’m already getting excited!

When 1 Thing Sucks, it All Sucks.

I was never warned of so many things about adult life. Why isn’t there some kind of handbook or something given out when we become adults (I don’t give an age, because that clearly happens at VERY different ages for different people)?

One thing I’ve learned, mostly in the past 5-ish years since E was born, is that even though if most things in life are good, everything sucks if one BIG thing sucks. Major stress in one aspect of life really overflows into every other aspect.

Right now, not having a job, and looking for one, SUCKS. I am stressed about working (or not working), when that will happen, IF it will happen, if I should hold out for a teaching job (and if so, then how long) or if I should try to find something else. But, finding SOMETHING just ANYTHING doesn’t feel good to me either.

Of course, one big overflow stress related to (no) job stress is money stress. Thankfully DH makes enough to cover our expenses. But, we DO have to watch what we’re spending, and can only have C in daycare part time, and E only in before school care come September. We can’t move forward with any of our plans that involve money. We’re just at a standstill, which is super frustrating.

Putting those together, I just feel like an unproductive member of our family and our community. I’m a person who NEEDS to work. It gives me much needed definition and purpose in my life, and I know I’m much happier when I’m working.

And me not being happy certainly overflows over into the rest of my life. I don’t seem to find enjoyment in much these days, because the no-job/lack-of-money thing overshadows it all. I’m lesson patient and loving with my family, and can barely enjoy my hobbies that have always brought me joy.

The worst part is I get jealous to the point of not being happy for people who ARE having a good time in life. I just can’t right now because there is no foreseeable end to this suckiness that is a job-hunt.

I know I should have expected this when I decided to go down the long path of switching careers to become a teacher in this province, but it still SUCKS.

Effects of Body Shaming

I’ve noticed  in my social media circles recently that there has been a lot more attention given to body shaming, and how it needs to be addressed and abolished. There are nipple activists (why do women’s nipple need to be hidden, when men can “out” them whenever they feel?”), there is a movement toward ethical consumerism toward companies that support body-positive outlooks, and a growing resistance to over-the-top diets, what’s an acceptable bikini body:

Thank God, and it’s about time. I know that maybe I’m just seeing this more and more because of the social circles I travel in, but it is refreshing.

I’ve been battling bad body consciousness for most of my life (save the first few years of my life when I was blissfully ignorant and unaware of what a girl’s/woman’s body is supposed to look like). How could I not when all I heard from the women and girls around me was “diet” this, “workout” that, and don’t forget all the images and “advice” from helpful teen magazines on how to look hot to get the guy (because that’s what life is all about, of course).

I went through adolescents believing I was ugly because I – gasp! – had glasses, and a bit of hair on my arms and upper lip, and because I didn’t have boobs, and then because I did. Because I didn’t have a perfectly flat stomach, or because I had “flat” hair.

When I gained weight in university, and went ALL THE WAY up to a grotesque 145 pounds, I thought it was the end of the world. And, I was proven right when I lost over 20 pounds after a very bad breakup and everyone told me how great I looked. I spent the rest of my 20s trying to get back to that magical weight where I was loved and appreciated by all for my looks.

When I turned 30, I started to be conscious about trying HARD to love my body the way it is at any state. Be that my “normal” state, during pregnancy, or being down to my lowest adult weight after my stroke. But, it’s a difficult thing to achieve, especially with the constant comments from others about whether I look good or or not (during pregnancy, is the WORST, of course, because somehow your body becomes public property).

I try my best to stay positive during “ugh, I have to diet” and “I hate my flabby arms” conversations that seem to crop up with groups of women…but I usually end up going away broken hearted. Why does this have to be the way women feel about themselves?

But, I’m definitely not immune to thinking negatively about myself. Recent, I’ve been wanting to stop shaving my legs…because what  WASTE of time and effort, am I right??…but I can’t seem to “pull the trigger” because I know what others would think or (even worse) say.

I would also love to be happy with my body and wear a bikini (or even a regular swimsuit) without feeling totally conscious. I have never felt that freedom, and doubt I ever will. Knowing that is a pretty shitty feeling.

I hope the body-positivity keeps growing, and that women as a whole can give themselves permission to love themselves as is, instead of striving for something the media tells them is better than reality.

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